Do you see me?

When you look at me, what do you see?

Do you see me whole, naked, as I am or do you see a constructed metaphor for the idea of me – a promise or a lie? Do you see me unmasked, bare, or do you paint me with the colours of your dreams?

I want to be seen beyond vision. I want your eyes to bore into my very soul and explore the dark corners like an intrepid explorer of my heart. I want you to hang off guide ropes and lower yourself  gently into my cavernous depths, so that we might encounter each other there in the shadows. I want you to venture deeper than others have dared go – Your piercing torch-light of inquisition penetrating my vulnerability.

I want you to look at me and question everything I am, smashing me apart into a thousand shards in a magnificent display of surrender, like a broken mirror. Only to piece me together again, with truth as the adhesive and love as the instruction.

I want to be exposed to you like an open wound, or ocean – the expanse of my wholeness, my realness; a stark reality which shakes and awakens us. I want to shade my eyes from the glare of your intense gaze only to realise that the real blindness comes from the denial of who we really are.

I want to see myself in everything you are; a reflection eternal of a million lives, loves and losses. I want to be brought to my knees by the eyes that surprise me with their imitation of my soul.

I want you to scold me with the fire and brimstone of your burning heart; scarred forever with the permanent scorch of your passion and desire. I want the glaciers of my self-protection to melt under the solar flares of your safety; to watch my levels rise as the ice falls away.

I want to unravel, slowly like old denim.. each thread, a piece of me that untangles and detaches, adding to the whole, a gradual creation; the bigger, more beautiful picture. I want to unfurl, softly like a precious scroll containing my wishes and secrets… opening up to reveal the promise of my desires and the honesty of my heart.

I want to be seen, so undoubtedly, so clearly , that I become translucent  as if being held up to the light – exposed in both my innocence and my guilt; a stained glass window to my soul.

I want you to see my troubles, my insecurities and my imperfections as part of the beautiful mosaic that makes me whole; each piece a part of another story, but held together to form the art of my being.

And I want to look at you, and see the same…