Letting Go: How To Surrender to The Flow of Life

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ~ Lao Tzu

We’re a peculiar species, we humans; we think we know everything, when really, we know nothing.

Unlike other species, who are driven by natural, primal instincts, we like to plot, plan and control our lives to such a degree that if they fail to live up to our imaginary projections (which they are likely to) we are often left in a state of despair.

We pin so much hope on what we think our lives should, or want our lives to look like, that when the inevitable twists and turns steer us off course or pull the carpet from under our feet, it can leave us feeling out of control and in a heap of tears and why me?s.

The truth is, our lives are not destined to go exactly the way we want them to. If everyone lived out their childhood dreams, we’d all be astronauts, or living in castles with Prince Charming. Life can be a bitch sometimes.

We imagined it would all be so easy; we plotted our grand six-figure career, our whirlwind romance, our 2-4 children, a dog, and a happily-ever-after ending. But it doesn’t tend to work out the way the movies would have us believe.

What really happens is, we lose our job, our relationship breaks down, we feel lost, we are let down, we lose a loved one. Life throws us lemons and we have no idea what to do with them, let alone how to make lemonade.

Perhaps a handful of people will actually stick the course and live a life they had always imagined, but for most of us, life can be one confusing and sometimes messy place, where we feel a little bit lost at times and can leave us pondering what it all means.

I lead a fairly unconventional life, with a tendency to live impulsively and from the heart. I am aware that this is not — by any means — a conventional existence (who liked conventional anyway?), but it’s my existence.

It wasn’t what I had planned or imagined, and so far it has been a bumpy old ride, but a ride full of lessons and experiences which have shaped the person I am today. And I wouldn’t take one crazy, sometimes painful, always meaningful, bit of it back.

If you had told the girl at the front of her English Class, who was destined to study History of Art at University and go on to work as a journalist in London, get married and settle down, that one day I would be living on a small Indonesian Island, selling vintage clothes barefoot and swimming with turtles, I probably wouldn’t have believed you.

I’d never have predicted that an impulsive one-way ticket to Australia would lead to me living on an olive farm in the Hunter Valley, building fires and making friends with animals I’d never encountered before. And that, this experience would lead to my decision to become a vegan and an animal rights activist.

You see, Life has a funny way of doing its own thing regardless of whether you a) wanted it to happen or b) imagined in a million years it was going to. We can try and whittle our lives down to produce a bespoke future; we can dream of plans and ideas which we think would be the ‘right’ thing to do, or the ‘best’ thing for us.

But life has a sneaky way of proving that it knows best and that actually we are pretty clueless.

It will therefore seek to prove this to us by regularly plonking us into situations which force us to question everything we thought we knew, while simultaneously teaching us everything we need to learn at that time to help us become the best version of ourselves.

A wise man once said, “The key to happiness is to let each situation be what it is, instead of what you think it should be.” There couldn’t be a more simple or profound way of summing it all up; in order to stay sane, it’s important to remember that Life Just Is and that it carries on regardless of our assumptions, actions or expectations.

We suffer when reality doesn’t match our expectations. When we project what we want to see onto something or someone that already is, we feel bad, angry, or hurt when it doesn’t match up.

But it is our decision to create these expectations, therefore it is also our choice to let go of them and learn to see everything and everyone exactly for what or who they are. By letting go of our preconceptions, we can save ourselves the pain of our own self-deception.

Hindsight is always a beautiful thing, and when we look back, we can often gain some much needed perspective. Events in our lives which seemed to provoke chaos at the time, ended up being our greatest lessons and our most valuable opportunities for change and growth.

If we can preempt that valuable lesson by reminding ourselves in the moment, that life always unfolds the way it does for our best interest, whether we want it to or not, then we can gain a huge sense of peace amidst times of unexpected change.

To Let Go is the most important thing we can do for ourselves in this lifetime. To let go of fears about the future, of preconceived ideas of what our lives will, or should look like further down the line, of the need to control every detail of our lives and the people in them, and to just let things be.

To let go is to liberate ourselves and to find a sense of harmony in the moment, as our lives unfold naturally and spontaneously.

This being said, there is beauty and necessity in dreaming and having goals, without which we might be wandering aimlessly in circles, scratching our heads. But the difference is that dreams and goals are fluid and hold promise, they are open to change and negotiation and they keep our passions alive and our spirits hungry.

We don’t always get exactly what we want, but we always get precisely what we need. Sometimes the two are unrecognizable from each other. We will always encounter the experiences, people and situations which are the very best for the evolution of ourselves and our consciousness. This much is true.

Our hearts have an instinctual knowing for what is best for us, at all times. If we can learn to listen to their whispered truth, we can learn to live in a way which is lead more by our intuition, rather than the imagined logic of the mind. When we face an unexpected situation, we can choose to see it with different eyes, and arm ourselves with a new perspective.

What we gain is the strength that comes from facing pain and moving through it, to find what lies beyond it.

{source}

To surrender to the moment and to see it exactly as it is means we can navigate our way through life with more ease, with less stress, less heartache, less feelings of despair or desperation when things appear to go wrong. Because nothing really goes wrong, it just goes a different way to how we thought it should.

There is true freedom and liberation in letting go and accepting life in all its wonderful, unexpected, messy glory, rolling with the punches and finding the hidden lessons amongst it all.

And I promise you this: life will happen, and if you can find your silver-lined cloud in the midst of the storms, it will all be so worth it in the end.

Yogi Bhajan's Mantra for Life and Light

Yes it sounds like airy fairy hippy stuff but I love this mantra because it's so simple, but powerful and holds so much wisdom in those four short lines: 

TRAVEL Light - A reminder to simplify our lives and not get too detached to 'things' which hold material worth. To value love, connection and kindness instead and embrace our freedom of spirit.

“It is the preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else that prevents us from living freely and nobly.” ~ Bertrand Russell
LIVE Light - A reminder to live without burdens, to detach from unnecessary energies, situations or beliefs. To nourish our souls with simple, energising, natural foods and move our bodies as much as we can in any way we can.

"Embrace simplicity" ~ Lao Tzu

SPREAD The Light - A reminder to spread love and kindness wherever we can, in any way we can. To nurture our own souls with self love and then radiate that energy out to others. If we can make one persons day with a smile or kind word, it's a day well lived.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” ~ Plato

BE The Light - A reminder to practice self love, self compassion and cultivate inner peace. If we work on ourselves, we will inspire others. Our journey's are as much on the inside, than the outside.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world" ~ Ghandi

Honour Your Self (Poem)

If you listen close enough

To the beat of your heart,

It will reveal the rhythm 

Of your deepest desires.

If you let yourself be moved 

By the currents of your soul,

You will feel the tides turn 

In your favour.

If you sit and remember

Who you were,

Before the world tried to change

The way you see..

You will realise that 

Who you truly are,

Is who you'll always be.

If, in searching, 

You become lost along the way,

Remember that true freedom 

Lies in honouring your wildness

And letting it guide you every day. 

When We Write, We Come Alive

It is often said that when a writer writes, he/she writes from a place far deeper than the limits of the conscious mind.

Somewhere between the realms of the heart and the dwelling of the soul, a magical land nestles on the horizon; Between valleys and mountains, rivers and fields. It exists in our imaginations, but its promise is sweet like the apple of temptation held to our wet lips, crisp and juicy… dangerous. Real.

When we write, we sit and let our hearts reach the page the way rivers reach the ocean.

They rush and run, a steady flow, determined, always knowing where it’s headed but not the route it must take. Nothing can stop its course. In the same way, nothing can stop the words from spilling from inside of us and out into the world.

We draw our words like swords from a place of dreams, desires, nightmares and fears. Truths so raw they threaten to break us open as they burst through the barriers of our physical form. Our souls may bleed a thousand deaths as we dictate its longings onto the page as it settles and sets into a little piece of its own history.

Our mind will leave us and in its place an empty space, void of rationality and sense.. An urgency, a passion that reaches the very depths of our heart and begs to be etched onto the souls of those who read it.

Words are manifestations of ourselves. They are symbolic representations of the many truths and desires  which lurk inside each and every one of us.

They force their way out through hurried pens and scrambled fingers on keys. They pour like liquid gold out from under the places where we’ve kept them buried like hidden treasure. The unanswered questions of our own existence kept like hostages of our souls.

They bleed from our wounds, our hearts, our ink-filled veins.

Stirred from the bottom of our engorged hearts we scrape letters, smudged with tears and sweat and heartache. Signed with blood we write with poisoned ink, our pained revenges and our bittersweet goodbyes to old lovers and friends.

We lie naked and exposed, wrapped in the silken robes of stories told and secrets yet to be revealed. We let our hands gently reach out in the dark for others who understand that our words are our most precious gift. They are to be hidden in hand-carved ivory boxes, wrapped with satin and ribbons and delivered in the dead of the night, to be opened by those who’s hearts beat with the same gentle rhythm as our own.

We savour words as if each succulent morsel was crafted from the finest sugar-spun delicacy, melting on our lips and our minds. Their sweetness lingering and dripping from our souls like drizzled honey.

We caress old books, their spines weak and frayed. We touch them like old lovers, who’s every curve we know like our own. Yet each time we trace our fingers along their worn edges, it feels like the first time, tense with excitement and eager to unfold the promises within.

We swim amongst sentences like drowning men, off long lost ships, swirling and sinking within the rough seas of our minds. We cast nets for feelings and scramble for their meaning , ripping open maps containing long lost lands. And when we can no longer find our way, we rely on the quiet wisdom within and let it guide us, shaking pen in hand, to steer us home.

We find heaven on earth as we sit and breathe life onto blank pages; Our art is our words, our instruments our pens and the medium our hearts.

Own Your Shadow

“The brightest flame casts the darkest shadow.”

~ George RR Martin

In a world that bombards us with numerous ways to ‘find happiness’ whilst simultaneously prescribing and sedating us with antidotes to depression, anxiety and other such modern and mindful problems, we are left in a perpetual state of flux.

We want to be happy, more than anything, and why not? But we are consistently encouraged to chase happiness yet reject and medicate our suffering.

We are encouraged to seek the light yet avoid and ignore the rumbles of heart ache, the painful whispers from the depths of our souls.

But what of this darkness that lurks within each one of us? What becomes of that?

Within each one of us lies our inner source, our peace and what I believe to be our highest self; this ‘light within’ holds our wisdom, our capacity to love fully, with vulnerability, our power and our truth. I like to think of it as a beautiful rose, which we nurture and grow so that it blooms and blossoms and the fuller the flower, the closest to our true self we our becoming.

“In Light there is Dark, and in Dark there is Light.” ~ Kami Garcia

But what of our shadows? There can be no light without its counterpart; A Shadow only forms when the sun shines bright.

We hold in each of us the remnants of old wounds from childhood or the aching emergence of adolescence where our hearts and heads are at war with our bodies and we’re peering at the world, blinking and blushing with awkward innocence. We hold in us fears and failures, shame and regret.

For some these shadows lurk silently, emerging only very sporadically, in the heat of a raging argument with a loved one, or perhaps allowed to bubble unwittingly to the surface after too many glasses of wine.

For others they are as present as a heart beat or the blink of an eye. The merkyness lingers and weaves between the everyday exchanges with friends, families, lovers, strangers – it coils itself around the heart and the throat – a persistent reminder of its loitering presence.

In the pursuit of happiness we cover and consume and suffocate these fears in the hope that once the embers are extinguished, our light will shine bright and nirvana will be reached – we grapple and fight with our shadows, our innermost pain, we shove it away and muffle its voice – we deny its very presence in the hope that that it won’t one day engulf us and diminish our chances of contentment.

“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.” ~ Mark Twain

 But what if we stand up to our shadows and name them out loud, completely and utterly acknowledge them and own them? We must call their existence into being and accept their presence – look deep into their dark eyes and say ‘I know you, you’re real, you’re within me.’

The miraculous thing is that when we acknowledge our darkness it takes away its power. Fear only has power when you resist it, when there is a struggle. The resistance is the power you give your shadow in order for the menacing darkness to become overwhelming.

There is a beautiful release about realising the qualities of your shadow self and showing no judgement, and offering unconditional love and acceptance towards its presence. We cherish our most attractive and positive qualities and the lightness we show the world, but we are encouraged to cover our failings and our innermost depths.

These are the things that make us vulnerable – these are the things that make us real. These qualities that exist from hurt or trauma or grief are what make us whole – they are the shadows to our light, the darkness to our brightness, and they need to be recognised and cherished and nurtured and shown love and compassion and understanding.

Shadows may seem scary when you’re afraid of the dark but in reality they are just by-products of light. Our most powerful transformation takes place after periods of pain or suffering – the brighter we shine, the darker our shadows have been or still are.

We need to own our shadows, show them love and respect and that way they will become subtle trajectories towards our peace.

 “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” ~ Rumi

Do you see me?

When you look at me, what do you see?

Do you see me whole, naked, as I am or do you see a constructed metaphor for the idea of me – a promise or a lie? Do you see me unmasked, bare, or do you paint me with the colours of your dreams?

I want to be seen beyond vision. I want your eyes to bore into my very soul and explore the dark corners like an intrepid explorer of my heart. I want you to hang off guide ropes and lower yourself  gently into my cavernous depths, so that we might encounter each other there in the shadows. I want you to venture deeper than others have dared go – Your piercing torch-light of inquisition penetrating my vulnerability.

I want you to look at me and question everything I am, smashing me apart into a thousand shards in a magnificent display of surrender, like a broken mirror. Only to piece me together again, with truth as the adhesive and love as the instruction.

I want to be exposed to you like an open wound, or ocean – the expanse of my wholeness, my realness; a stark reality which shakes and awakens us. I want to shade my eyes from the glare of your intense gaze only to realise that the real blindness comes from the denial of who we really are.

I want to see myself in everything you are; a reflection eternal of a million lives, loves and losses. I want to be brought to my knees by the eyes that surprise me with their imitation of my soul.

I want you to scold me with the fire and brimstone of your burning heart; scarred forever with the permanent scorch of your passion and desire. I want the glaciers of my self-protection to melt under the solar flares of your safety; to watch my levels rise as the ice falls away.

I want to unravel, slowly like old denim.. each thread, a piece of me that untangles and detaches, adding to the whole, a gradual creation; the bigger, more beautiful picture. I want to unfurl, softly like a precious scroll containing my wishes and secrets… opening up to reveal the promise of my desires and the honesty of my heart.

I want to be seen, so undoubtedly, so clearly , that I become translucent  as if being held up to the light – exposed in both my innocence and my guilt; a stained glass window to my soul.

I want you to see my troubles, my insecurities and my imperfections as part of the beautiful mosaic that makes me whole; each piece a part of another story, but held together to form the art of my being.

And I want to look at you, and see the same…

Embracing the Unconventional Life

“Be in love with your life, every detail of it.”

~ Jack Kerouac

I have always been a restless individual.

Ever since I was a small child, I would dart from one activity to the next, from book, to paints, to den building, to climbing frame and back to book, with a sense of urgency and energy, always looking for the next adventure.

I grew up with an endless thirst for creativity, picking up art projects, musical instruments, dance classes and ideas in a never-ending whirlwind to satisfy something, a hunger, a need to to fulfill a burning desire to create, to vent this mad passion for life in any way, shape or form that I could get my hands on.

A deep craving to experience absolutely everything this world has to offer, simultaneously, madly, wildly. An endless itinerary of needs, wants and desires, settling on each like a butterfly on a flower, flitting wings  ready to move with wild abandon to the next beautiful blossom that life had to offer

Twelve months ago, I left the comfortable confines of the UK to embark on the biggest journey of my life. I booked a one way ticket, packed my bags, and with an almost unbearable sense of excitement, jumped on the plane, with no plans, no agenda and no regrets.

My lifetime of darting, jumping, starting, finishing, stopping and dropping had led me to leave my old life behind and embark on a journey of self-discovery and adventure.

“Buy the ticket, take the ride…” ~ Hunter S. Thompson

I have always been happiest when I am outside of routine, escaped from structure, ignorant to the daily cycles of wake-work-sleep which so many feel trapped within.

I was now living more freely and as impulsively than ever before and it made my soul sing and my heart leap. Where was I going? What was I going to do? Who knows? Who cares? I am the master of my universe now!

The more I succumbed to the ebb and flow of life, the more I came to understand my purpose on this journey and embrace each new experience with a sense of awe and wonder at how synchronistic life could be when you opened your heart and soul to its magic.

Society has taught us to stay, to settle, to stop our hungry hearts from yearning for freedom. We are dragged through a repeated and recycled life of education-marriage-settle.

But what if you are filled with a burning and bursting longing for more? What if your heart screams at you to move, to create, to write, to paint, to sing, to travel, to live? My heart has been screaming all my life — I want more!

My restlessness is, and always has been, my soul’s way of expressing this. I did not know it back then as a child but I was always destined for the unusual and the unconventional, and it is only now that I am coming to fully embrace my restless ways, my flitting and my fleeing, my search for meaning, my search for more…

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~ Mark Twain

If you want to leave, leave. If you want to move across the world for love, do so. If you want to create, create! Screw society’s conventions and follow that bursting heart of yours.

I may not lead the most conventional of lives, I may not know what is round the corner — which can be scary, but I am trying to live my life as honestly and passionately as possible, even if that means sacrificing security. I am on my own weird and wonderful journey, and for me, the magic is in the mystery.

“For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move…” ~ Robert Louis Stevenson