Write Your Own Path to Happy

You are the sum of your experiences.

So they say.

We are told that we are a part-nurtured, part-natured walking product of everything we’ve been through and everything we believe to be true within and without of ourselves. We are a collection of memories, subconscious influences and belief systems which gradually mold us into the folks we are today.

We are warned that we carry the burden of all the unkind words and unfair judgments that we have ever received, that we harbor all our previous moments of personal anguish, and that we embody all the false hopes and misguided truths which we have learned and which we must un-learn in order to find true happiness.

However…

… are we not, therefore, the product of all of our positive experiences too? Are we not carrying around the satisfaction of every heartfelt compliment and word of encouragement?

Are we not resonating with every kind smile, every yet-to-be-realized dream and every moment of pure joy which linger inside of us, waiting to be recalled and re-lived to remind us of how amazing we really are?

I believe that for every breakdown, there is a breakthrough. For every put-down, there is a great big hoist-up, and for every thunderstorm, there is a rainbow that follows.

In essence, we are strong, we are determined and we are hopeful. At our core, we believe that there is always something to aim for, be that true love, contentment… success… or heaven. We are unified in our common pursuit for more, for better, for what we feel we deserve.

For every insult you endured, I can bet you have received a compliment. For every rejection you survived, you have achieved some form of success, and for every time you forgot how to believe in yourself, you were shocked by the realization that you had more faith than you ever gave yourself credit for. For every time you have been lost… you have also been found.

You always picked yourself up and carried on. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be here now.

We dwell on the times we fell, we lost and we were hurt. We hold on to our wounds like battered reminders of our failings — anti-trophies of our battles and defeats. But what of all the many times we smiled, we won and we saved ourselves, over and over again?

Where are our proud medals of personal success and gold-starred acknowledgements of our sweet victories and triumphs?

We are resilient and strong, and it’s about time we remembered this. We should be laying wreaths at the altars of the beautiful days we have lived.

I choose to let myself be the person I am, and the person I am proud of becoming. I choose to remember the sheer number of times my breath has been stolen by sunsets and sunrises, the oceans and mountains.

I choose to be influenced by the kindness of strangers who have continuously shined out to me like a beacon of hope in the chaos of humanity.

I choose not to be broken by the words which went against me, but instead choose to be strengthened by thepower of those which lifted me up and filled my heart with hope and my soul with joy.

I have decided to be carried by the river of love which runs through me, not by the fickle breeze of judgment and contempt which, at some stage, blows amongst us all.

Our whole lives are based on choice, it is what set us apart from other animals. We all have souls that need to survive but the difference is, we have a choice; we don’t have to just survive, we can live, we can thrive and we can be inspired.

We can choose what to leave behind and what no longer serves us. We have a privilege and, therefore, a right to be able to carry with us only that which benefits us — be it memories, friends, lovers or experiences.

“How we feel about ourselves, the joy we get from living, ultimately depends directly on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experiences. Whether we are happy depends on inner harmony, not on the controls we are able to exert over the great forces of the universe.”

~ Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Why should we carry the responsibility of the burden of our pasts when we can choose to leave it behind?

Let’s try to take only with us the softness, the warmth and the kindness that each of us has and will continue to experience, and be  more selective with the past we choose to carry; therefore, the life we choose to live.

If I am the sum of my experiences, then I choose to be built out of the multitudes of dreams that reside inside my heart and the many sunny days that I have woken up to.

I choose to be a product of all the magical times that my soul has connected with another’s, and the plethora of smiles I have received from strangers. I choose to be a grand medley of the times I have loved others and been loved myself.

I choose to embody the sum of the parts of me constructed from perseverance, determination and hope, rather than an amalgamation of my memories of fear and shame.

My self-confidence is more reliant on how I choose to see myself, than how others choose to see me.

My self-belief is dependent on the importance I place on my own dreams, not the willingness of others to support them.

The love I have for myself is home-grown and self-appointed and is based  on the gradual collection of experiences in which I have taken growth and strength as an outcome, not self-pity.

{Photo via pinterest.com}

We have two options in this short and sweet life of ours: We can blame others for who or where we are today, or we can take responsibility for our own happiness. We are the lead character in the story of our lives… Select the plot you want, drop what you don’t. The rest is fantasy.

It’s true that we are the sum of our experiences… but only those we choose to cherish. Remember the good and forget the rest.

Life’s too short not to.

Own Your Shadow

“The brightest flame casts the darkest shadow.”

~ George RR Martin

In a world that bombards us with numerous ways to ‘find happiness’ whilst simultaneously prescribing and sedating us with antidotes to depression, anxiety and other such modern and mindful problems, we are left in a perpetual state of flux.

We want to be happy, more than anything, and why not? But we are consistently encouraged to chase happiness yet reject and medicate our suffering.

We are encouraged to seek the light yet avoid and ignore the rumbles of heart ache, the painful whispers from the depths of our souls.

But what of this darkness that lurks within each one of us? What becomes of that?

Within each one of us lies our inner source, our peace and what I believe to be our highest self; this ‘light within’ holds our wisdom, our capacity to love fully, with vulnerability, our power and our truth. I like to think of it as a beautiful rose, which we nurture and grow so that it blooms and blossoms and the fuller the flower, the closest to our true self we our becoming.

“In Light there is Dark, and in Dark there is Light.” ~ Kami Garcia

But what of our shadows? There can be no light without its counterpart; A Shadow only forms when the sun shines bright.

We hold in each of us the remnants of old wounds from childhood or the aching emergence of adolescence where our hearts and heads are at war with our bodies and we’re peering at the world, blinking and blushing with awkward innocence. We hold in us fears and failures, shame and regret.

For some these shadows lurk silently, emerging only very sporadically, in the heat of a raging argument with a loved one, or perhaps allowed to bubble unwittingly to the surface after too many glasses of wine.

For others they are as present as a heart beat or the blink of an eye. The merkyness lingers and weaves between the everyday exchanges with friends, families, lovers, strangers – it coils itself around the heart and the throat – a persistent reminder of its loitering presence.

In the pursuit of happiness we cover and consume and suffocate these fears in the hope that once the embers are extinguished, our light will shine bright and nirvana will be reached – we grapple and fight with our shadows, our innermost pain, we shove it away and muffle its voice – we deny its very presence in the hope that that it won’t one day engulf us and diminish our chances of contentment.

“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.” ~ Mark Twain

 But what if we stand up to our shadows and name them out loud, completely and utterly acknowledge them and own them? We must call their existence into being and accept their presence – look deep into their dark eyes and say ‘I know you, you’re real, you’re within me.’

The miraculous thing is that when we acknowledge our darkness it takes away its power. Fear only has power when you resist it, when there is a struggle. The resistance is the power you give your shadow in order for the menacing darkness to become overwhelming.

There is a beautiful release about realising the qualities of your shadow self and showing no judgement, and offering unconditional love and acceptance towards its presence. We cherish our most attractive and positive qualities and the lightness we show the world, but we are encouraged to cover our failings and our innermost depths.

These are the things that make us vulnerable – these are the things that make us real. These qualities that exist from hurt or trauma or grief are what make us whole – they are the shadows to our light, the darkness to our brightness, and they need to be recognised and cherished and nurtured and shown love and compassion and understanding.

Shadows may seem scary when you’re afraid of the dark but in reality they are just by-products of light. Our most powerful transformation takes place after periods of pain or suffering – the brighter we shine, the darker our shadows have been or still are.

We need to own our shadows, show them love and respect and that way they will become subtle trajectories towards our peace.

 “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” ~ Rumi

Do you see me?

When you look at me, what do you see?

Do you see me whole, naked, as I am or do you see a constructed metaphor for the idea of me – a promise or a lie? Do you see me unmasked, bare, or do you paint me with the colours of your dreams?

I want to be seen beyond vision. I want your eyes to bore into my very soul and explore the dark corners like an intrepid explorer of my heart. I want you to hang off guide ropes and lower yourself  gently into my cavernous depths, so that we might encounter each other there in the shadows. I want you to venture deeper than others have dared go – Your piercing torch-light of inquisition penetrating my vulnerability.

I want you to look at me and question everything I am, smashing me apart into a thousand shards in a magnificent display of surrender, like a broken mirror. Only to piece me together again, with truth as the adhesive and love as the instruction.

I want to be exposed to you like an open wound, or ocean – the expanse of my wholeness, my realness; a stark reality which shakes and awakens us. I want to shade my eyes from the glare of your intense gaze only to realise that the real blindness comes from the denial of who we really are.

I want to see myself in everything you are; a reflection eternal of a million lives, loves and losses. I want to be brought to my knees by the eyes that surprise me with their imitation of my soul.

I want you to scold me with the fire and brimstone of your burning heart; scarred forever with the permanent scorch of your passion and desire. I want the glaciers of my self-protection to melt under the solar flares of your safety; to watch my levels rise as the ice falls away.

I want to unravel, slowly like old denim.. each thread, a piece of me that untangles and detaches, adding to the whole, a gradual creation; the bigger, more beautiful picture. I want to unfurl, softly like a precious scroll containing my wishes and secrets… opening up to reveal the promise of my desires and the honesty of my heart.

I want to be seen, so undoubtedly, so clearly , that I become translucent  as if being held up to the light – exposed in both my innocence and my guilt; a stained glass window to my soul.

I want you to see my troubles, my insecurities and my imperfections as part of the beautiful mosaic that makes me whole; each piece a part of another story, but held together to form the art of my being.

And I want to look at you, and see the same…