Own Your Shadow

“The brightest flame casts the darkest shadow.”

~ George RR Martin

In a world that bombards us with numerous ways to ‘find happiness’ whilst simultaneously prescribing and sedating us with antidotes to depression, anxiety and other such modern and mindful problems, we are left in a perpetual state of flux.

We want to be happy, more than anything, and why not? But we are consistently encouraged to chase happiness yet reject and medicate our suffering.

We are encouraged to seek the light yet avoid and ignore the rumbles of heart ache, the painful whispers from the depths of our souls.

But what of this darkness that lurks within each one of us? What becomes of that?

Within each one of us lies our inner source, our peace and what I believe to be our highest self; this ‘light within’ holds our wisdom, our capacity to love fully, with vulnerability, our power and our truth. I like to think of it as a beautiful rose, which we nurture and grow so that it blooms and blossoms and the fuller the flower, the closest to our true self we our becoming.

“In Light there is Dark, and in Dark there is Light.” ~ Kami Garcia

But what of our shadows? There can be no light without its counterpart; A Shadow only forms when the sun shines bright.

We hold in each of us the remnants of old wounds from childhood or the aching emergence of adolescence where our hearts and heads are at war with our bodies and we’re peering at the world, blinking and blushing with awkward innocence. We hold in us fears and failures, shame and regret.

For some these shadows lurk silently, emerging only very sporadically, in the heat of a raging argument with a loved one, or perhaps allowed to bubble unwittingly to the surface after too many glasses of wine.

For others they are as present as a heart beat or the blink of an eye. The merkyness lingers and weaves between the everyday exchanges with friends, families, lovers, strangers – it coils itself around the heart and the throat – a persistent reminder of its loitering presence.

In the pursuit of happiness we cover and consume and suffocate these fears in the hope that once the embers are extinguished, our light will shine bright and nirvana will be reached – we grapple and fight with our shadows, our innermost pain, we shove it away and muffle its voice – we deny its very presence in the hope that that it won’t one day engulf us and diminish our chances of contentment.

“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.” ~ Mark Twain

 But what if we stand up to our shadows and name them out loud, completely and utterly acknowledge them and own them? We must call their existence into being and accept their presence – look deep into their dark eyes and say ‘I know you, you’re real, you’re within me.’

The miraculous thing is that when we acknowledge our darkness it takes away its power. Fear only has power when you resist it, when there is a struggle. The resistance is the power you give your shadow in order for the menacing darkness to become overwhelming.

There is a beautiful release about realising the qualities of your shadow self and showing no judgement, and offering unconditional love and acceptance towards its presence. We cherish our most attractive and positive qualities and the lightness we show the world, but we are encouraged to cover our failings and our innermost depths.

These are the things that make us vulnerable – these are the things that make us real. These qualities that exist from hurt or trauma or grief are what make us whole – they are the shadows to our light, the darkness to our brightness, and they need to be recognised and cherished and nurtured and shown love and compassion and understanding.

Shadows may seem scary when you’re afraid of the dark but in reality they are just by-products of light. Our most powerful transformation takes place after periods of pain or suffering – the brighter we shine, the darker our shadows have been or still are.

We need to own our shadows, show them love and respect and that way they will become subtle trajectories towards our peace.

 “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” ~ Rumi